The best shirt

There were a lot of great shirts for sale at The Cure show and I ended up getting three (and a scarf as well!)

This is my favorite one hands down.

Maxwell

Before The Cure show at The Beacon Theatre last night, Robin and I had dinner at a nearby diner where she gave me a cute little owl. His name is Maxwell :)

What's inside her never dies

On Saturday afternoon, I was watching a True Life marathon on MTV, trying to relax after getting back from the gym. The episode that was playing was "I Hate My Roomate" which I had seen a couple of times before. I started flipping through the channels to see if anything else was on. After going through all of the movies channels, I ended up on E!. Suddenly, I saw a ticker at the bottom of the screen that said that Amy Winehouse had been found dead in her London flat.

"OH MY GOD!" I yelled. My cousin asked me what was wrong and I said that Amy Winehouse had died. "WHAT?!" she said. I ran downstairs to get my laptop, flipped it open and typed cnn.com into my browser. There it was on the main page, highlighted with a "Breaking News" banner. Amy Winehouse was dead. Immediately I felt sad and ill.

One thing that seems to be the same with everyone's reaction when they heard of her passing was that no one was surprised. I wasn't surprised. We all know her history with drugs and alcohol and I'm sure that I'm not the only one who wondered how she managed to survive for so long in the first place.

I hadn't kept up much with what Amy had been doing lately but every once in a while, I'd see a photo of her on a gossip blog, walking around her neighborhood or hanging out with her boyfriend or something. She looked good. Certainly much better than those days she was running around town barefoot, with deshevled hair and smeared makeup. And I thought that she was finally getting her shit together.

A few weeks ago when video started to circulate of her horrendous performance in Serbia, I was so pissed off at her. I wanted to reach through the video and shake some sense into her and scream, "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Do you know how fucking talented you are? You're just pissing it all away and you don't even seem to care." When her camp released a statement saying that she was canceling the rest of her tour dates, I thought that was a sensible thing to do and hoped that the next time she came back, it would be in a good way.

But now she's dead. And any hope that any of us had for a healthier and better Amy is gone.


Towards the end of 2006, "Rehab" was floating around all of the music blogs that I frequented and the second I heard it, I was hooked. I didn't know who this Amy Winehouse person was but thought, "DAMN! This black girl can sing!" And then I saw what she looked like.

It's always a surprise when you're looking at someone and the voice that comes out of them isn't what you expected. But it's even crazier when you hear a voice first, and then see the person who it belongs to and the two don't match up in the slightest. Amy wasn't like anything that I pictured in my head. Here was this skinny, white, petite, English chick with the biggest bee hive hair since Priscilla Presley just demanding my fucking attention with a voice that you just didn't hear in modern day music. "Rehab" was catchy, super cheeky, dark, sad, funny, and just a plain damn good song. I searched the music blogs for as many of her other songs as I could find. Back to Black was out in the UK already (it was actually released in the UK on my birthday October, 4th) but wasn't released in the U.S. until March of 2007. I ordered it, along with some other albums from Amazon and waited eagerly for it to arrive.


I quickly fell in love with this record. I loved Amy's voice, her throw-back style, her fantastic sense of humor and the honesty with which she sang about her experiences. While I listened to every song over and over again, the one that really grabbed a hold of me was "He Can Only Hold Her." It's not a very long song, ending almost as soon as it begins, but those horns get me every time and the chorus is perfect.

When I found out that Amy would play a show at Highline Ballroom, I was so excited and made sure to stay on top of the ticket situation so that I'd be sure to get some. She had already played a show in New York so I wasn't going to miss another one. Luckily, tickets were cheap (something between $10-$12 I think which is nothing compared to what her tickets would go for now) and super hassle-free to purchase.

My cousin Nerrissa also loved Amy's record so I took her with me to the show. We went to Burgers and Cupcakes beforehand and then headed over to the venue. Some people who had been there earlier in the day said that Amy had come out to talk to fans and sign stuff and take photos and I thought that was super awesome of her. We got a good spot for the show. Patrick Wolf opened and he played a great set as Amy looked on from the VIP section smooching on and drinking with her then boyfriend/fiance Blake. When she finally took to the stage, the crowd was so excited. At this point, she had already had some much talked about bad performances and so there was definitely a sense of uncertainty in the air. But Amy didn't dissapoint and she played a great show.


Afterwards, we tried to meet her outside the venue, but once she left the building, she hoped into an SUV. A swarm of paparazzi came out of nowhere and started taking pictures like mad! I had only been in New York for a year and some change at that point but had never seen paparazzi in real life so that was totally crazy to me. I wondered if that happened to her everywhere she went and thought how awful it must be if it did.

Amy only got more popular after I saw her live and her legend seemed to grow and grow every day. How drunk was she going to be at her next show? How awful would she look the next time photographers snapped a photo of her? When she won all of those Grammy Awards for Back to Black (awards she couldn't even accept in person due to not getting her visa in time) I saw a woman who, despite her many faults and issues, had the platform to really turn her shit around and really live up to that same Amy that we fell in love with on record.

Every time I saw something unfavorable about Amy in the press, it just made me so sad because it always overshadowed and cheapened her talent. And while many legendary musicians have also struggled with additions, most of them didn't live in an age like ours where every little thing you do is inspected and torn apart and criticized. I can only imagine the pressure she felt with so many judging eyes on her while she wrestled with her demons.

I had always hoped Amy would surprise us one day and come out stronger and better having gone through her troubles. And if I am to believe some things I've read about her final days and weeks, she had sworn off the hard stuff and was seriously committed to getting back on track. It seems that her autopsy was inconclusive and so we may not know for a while what caused her death. But that doesn't even matter because knowing won't make her any less dead.

When I was a teenager the grunge/alternative scene was all the rage and I loved bands like Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden, Nirvana and The Smashing Pumpkins. However, there was a period where it seemed that musicians were dying left and right from drug overdoses: Kristin Pfaff, Bradley Nowell, Shannon Hoon, Jonathan Melvoin. Their deaths had a huge impact on me, seeing all of these really talented people with bright futures and so much going on for them, being gone in an instant because of an addiction. I had always heard that the easiest way to quit smoking was to never start and it seemed to me that the same could be said for drugs.

Amy left us with a great legacy of wonderful music. But hopefully her death will also serve as a warning to people and show that addiction is a very real, very deadly thing that will do its best to swallow you whole. I only wish Amy was still around to show us that she could've beaten it. I honestly feel like she really did want to and would have some day.

When I remember Amy going forward, I hope to mostly think about the music she's left us with. I hope to remember smart, deeply personal and heart-achingly powerful lyrics and flawless performances like this one. I hope that we never forget that when she was on her game, the girl could really belt it out. And she could look damn good doing it.

Amy Winehouse
(September 14, 1983 – July 23, 2011)

Chopped!

I did it! I big chopped on Saturday, June 25th. I've been enjoying my shorter hair tremendously and don't know why I waited so long to do it! Hopefully, I'll get around to writing a longer post about my experience soon.

Shiny Happy People

Last week, my family and I went to New Jersey for an Indian wedding! Our family friend Rubi married here longtime beau Marc. My cousins and I decided that instead of wearing saris, we would wear a salwar kameez instead. A salwar kameez is basically a long top with a pair of pants (usually, a skinny leg pant). Since none of us know how to wrap saris (my Aunt Veronica wore a sari but one of my Uncle Anand's sisters had to wrap it for her) we figured that a salwar kameez would be much easier way to go.

We all purchased our outfits in Jackson Heights one Saturday afternoon (with the help of Adhalia's good friend Silby) and while our outfits did indeed cost a pretty penny, we all got

compliments on how great we looked. And if you've ever been to an Indian wedding, you know

that people go all out, so we didn't want to slack on our fashion game.

Anyway, here are some photos from the reception! Enjoy!

The Big Chop: Why I'm Cutting My Hair and Going Natural

When I was 12, I desperately wanted a relaxer (or as I grew up calling it, a perm). I never thought my hair was especially long but I knew it was pretty thick because people would tell me so constantly. From Ms. Arnold at the salon in Atlanta to strangers on the street. There were even a few times when people asked if I had a weave which always struck me as funny. I thought women only got weaves to make their hair longer. It never occurred to me that they also got weaves to make their hair thicker too.

My mom had always been against having my hair relaxed and it really aggravated her seeing little children with relaxed hair. I could understand that. Children are constantly growing and changing and all of those chemicals too early could seriously affect their hair and skin. My mom also felt that children should look like children and have plats and ribbons and barrettes in their hair, not look like little Diana Rosses.

My third birthday

I didn't really think about what my hair would look like after having a perm and I really didn't care. What I did think about was how much easier it would be to deal with, and ultimately that was my main motivation to get it done.

Fragile

The Prids are some of my favorite people ever! And they write such amazing songs! And they're so nice! And they make great videos that they put their friends in.

That's what an artist would do

Last night, I tried my very best to watch the 83rd Annual Academy Awards. I say tried because I don't have a TV in my room, so I figured I'd find somewhere to stream it online. When I did, I was only able to watch it for about 20 minutes before the site was taken down, I assume because they didn't have permission to stream it.

I then tried to watch it on the TV in the guest room. I heard and caught glimpses of some of the tributes, performances and acceptance speeches through the fuzzy audio and intermittent signal (bad, bad reception on that thing) but felt a bit unsatisfied by the end. I hope next time to have an enjoyable and uninterrupted Oscars viewing night. But of course, an entire year must pass by first.

This year was the first year that I saw a good number of the films nominated for Best Picture, including Black Swan, The Fighter, Toy Story 3, Inception and The Social Network which I just watched via Netflix about two weeks ago. I've always loved watching The Academy Awards but in recent years have definitely tried to be better about seeing the nominated films before the awards are actually handed out.

Most people agree that there were no major surprises last night. Even though Black Swan was amazing AND Natalie Portman was phenomenal in it AND she's won practically every award that she was nominated for, I kept hoping that Michelle Williams would pull an upset and grab the award for Best Actress for her terribly powerful performance in Blue Valentine. Reader, if you haven't seen it, you really should. But I know that Blue Valentine will be just one of her many great performances in her career. But I digress.

Pretty much everyone that's been winning all awards season won last night, although it seems as though The Social Network was a favorite at the beginning of the awards race but fell to that golden royal egg that is The King's Speech, which is apparently so good, even HRH enjoyed it.

I was happy to see that Colin Firth won the Best Actor award for The King's Speech. I haven't seen it yet, but I love Colin Firth and since the movie seems to be right up my ally (I could watch movies about English royals all day long), I'm pretty certain that I'm going to love it.

Last year, Colin was nominated (and lost to Jeff Bridges) for his role in A Single Man. The movie is based on the book of the same name by author Christopher Isherwood. I had never read A Single Man but when I saw the trailer for the film, it looked so intense and beautifully shot that I knew I'd have to see it at some point. It was one of the first movies I received in the mail when I joined Netflix and I saw it again this weekend on one of those movies channels that my cousins have about 200 of.


A Single Man is about a gay British professor whose lover has been killed in a car accident. He finds it hard to live without him and decides that he's going to kill himself. As he prepares to spend his last day on earth, he takes the time to really notice the things around him and reflect back on the moments he had with his love. Colin Firth's performance in that movie is so moving and it's sad that when there are so many good performances by actors in one year, you can't give an award to everyone. However, he's certainly had a nice run so far with The King's Speech to make up for it.

But all of this is just taking me to what I really want to mention. Tonight, I was finally able to watch a film that I got in the mail over the weekend, Chris & Don: A Love Story which tells the story of A Single Man's author Christopher Isherwood and his partner, artist Don Bachardy.


Your mother was right: finding true love is hard so it's pretty remarkable when two people can find it together, particularly when those two people are so comfortable in their love for one another that any sort of prejudices or harm they may face because of who they are (in this case, two gay men who met in the 1950s) doesn't stop them from loving one another openly, proudly and without regret.

In the film, you learn about the couple's relationship through photographs, videos, passages from Chris' diary and interviews with friends, literary experts and even Don himself. And while their relationship had its ups and downs and wasn't always perfect, at the end they were quite devoted to one another. And having devotion is a wonderful way to love someone.

Whenever you're feeling down...

Just remember that you've got stuff to live for.

And you just don't get it

Just the other day I was thinking about Local H and what (if anything) they were up to. "Bound for the Floor" was pretty infectious back in the day.

They are up to a lot of something. They're on tour and will play Mercury Lounge April 4/21.